Hi it's Ray,
I've been coaching for a few years now, and the biggest thing I've learnt - both for me and for my clients - is that inner confidence is the key to it all.
There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the foundation isn't there. That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that and to bring out who you are – here are the three keys to real inner confidence.
1. Get To Know Your Values
Personal values are a big passion of mine and I often get carried away with myself when I talk about them. I make no apology for that though – they’re one of the most important things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting genuine inner confidence. Your values are ten thousand feet down inside you, right at the very core of who you are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.
Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing or buzzing? Those are the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.
Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they’re there all the time just waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you are to live in the real world.
2. Exercise the Muscle
Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.
It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.
To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do and who you are. The more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibility the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?"
Hi it's Ray,
What's your dream? Want to give your vision a jump start? Write down your goals and use these questions to speed up delivery of your dream.
1. What's your highest priority in this lifetime?
What's most important for you to experience, explore or embrace this time around? Until you answer this question, your life goals will be off purpose. Unaligned with your inner passion, your intentions will lack the power to attract the people and situations necessary to become a reality.
Get clued into your true joy. What activities did you enjoy as a child? What are your hobbies now? When your goals are aligned with your soul, synchronicity kicks in to guide you to your target.
2. Is this your dream, or someone else's?
Are your goals your own choice, or what others think you should strive for? Do you want to look back in your old age and wish you had followed your passion? Will you regret having "played it safe?"
Is it selfish to go after your own dream? What joy can you give to others if you haven't given it to yourself first?
3. Are you settling for less than?
Are you resigned to accepting less than your full share of love, health and success this lifetime? Have you compromised and sacrificed your dream?
Anything short of living your true passions will never make you happy.
4. What will you feel like when you reach your dream?
Personal passion fuels a vision. Dive into the thrill and exhilaration of the feeling of living your dream.
The Hawaiian Kahuna say, "Where your creative attention flows, so flows your life."
5. What steps can you take today toward your dream?
Don't defer your dream. Set up supports and systems around you to instantly translate your intentions into action. Jump on every opportunity that is in line with your purpose and vision.
Are there smaller projects that lead to your larger dream? If the dream is to run a marathon, train for a local fun-run first. And find a way to measure your progress. Track those little wins-by writing in a journal or telling a friend.
6. Are you telling yourself: "I can't have my dream?"
Most people don't believe they can live their dream. Either their belief system has them believing they can't make a living doing what they love, or they feel they don't deserve their dream. To avoid the pain of feeling they can't have their dream, people often keep their dream so buried they can't remember they ever had a dream.
Everyone has a dream! And everyone is destined to fulfill that purpose. Why wait?
Contact me if you would like help setting goals to achieve some of your dreams!
Hi it's Ray,
Fear gets to the best of us, whether it is fear of failure, fear of success or even fear of fear. All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful.
Fear can’t hold you back forever, if you don’t let it. There are several ways to overcome fear, here are my top 9:
1. Separate reality from perception
Ask yourself what is really going on, locate the facts and place them over your feelings.
2. Identify the trigger
Figure out what it is in a situation that triggers you. Learning to identify it will help you learn to combat it.
3. Know where fear lives in your body
A lot of times, fear takes over physically. It affects different people different ways. Identify if/how it affects your physical body and do the work to take care of your body. Ex: if you hold stress in your back, you can learn stretches, foam rolling, etc. to avoid the pain.
4. Practice gratitude
Every day, list out 1-3 things you are thankful for. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, gratitude helps shift the mind into a positive light, which overtime, overcomes fear.
5. Listen to your inner voice
Monitor your inner conversations. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Speak positively to yourself and remind yourself of your strengths.
6. Create a new association
Remind yourself that the feeling and the moment will pass. Focus on the positive outcome of the situation, rather than the scary in between.
7. Look at the glass half full
Perception is a very powerful thing, and how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. So, think positively and you’ll give yourself a much better chance of success. This won’t happen overnight; practice with just one thought. What is one recurring negative/fearful thought you have? Work on reversing this one thought. Overtime, this will become a habit.
8. Practice breathing exercises
Breathing helps centre your body; when you stop breathing, your heart stops beating. You can do a grounding exercise, or even just take 5 deep, long breaths at any point to calm and centre yourself. It is best to start your day with this, but feel free to practice all day long.
9. Create a safe space
When you feel safe and secure, there is no room for fear. Find somewhere safe you can retreat to when ill feelings begin- whether this is a real place such as your bedroom, or a place in your mind such as the beach. This sense of comfort will soothe you and allow you to face your fear.
Please keep in mind, these are just 9 strategies, not everything works for everyone. But this is a place to start. Start implementing these techniques into your life and don’t let fear hold you back from reaching your goals and your highest potential this year!
Hi it's Ray,
Determining what our purpose is in life can be one of the hardest questions that we as humans must try to answer. In this article I will be going through a step by step process, exploring your feelings and options, and by the end, you should have a fairly solid tool you can immediately employ in your life, to help give it a meaningful direction!
There are three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:
Understanding The Principle of Choice
Norman Vincent Peale has this to say about the power of choice. “The greatest power we have is the power of choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous, instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made”.
“Choosing” is the most important activity of your mind, because by making a choice, you are proclaiming your desires to your subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind gets to know your desires, it is going to do anything to manifest them in your life. The choices you make in your life become your goal. And, if you are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why you should not accomplish them.
Indecision, on the other hand, not only creates frustration and anxiety, but can also confuse the subconscious mind about what you want. But it is important that the choices you make are made by you, in accordance with your true desires, purposes and aptitude. A lot of us let others make choices for us, or make our choices according to what we think is ‘correct’, even if that means that we go against our wishes. What is right for someone else may not be right for you, and the way to know this is listening to what your heart says.
So, to begin with, make a list of things which interest you; things which you have always enjoyed, which make you feel better, which inspire you to surge ahead, no matter what obstacles you face. Do you like doing something creative, or something artistic? Do you enjoy nature? Do you like the sea? Do you enjoy helping others? Do you get pleasure out of making a difference in other people’s life?
Whatever it is that interests you, write it down and answer these questions:
● What thing do you love to do?
● What is it that you love in this thing and why?
● How could you do this for money, and make a living out of it?
Creating Your Underlying Principle
The next step is to examine the list you just made and find out if there is any recurring theme. Maybe, it is the contribution that keeps coming up, or an effect to seek or give love, or helping your parents cope with old age. Whatever it is, try to identify the central theme of the things you love to do, and try to put it in a short and precise statement. This will be your ‘Mission Statement’. It may even be a quote by a famous person, or a philosophy that has influenced you. Of course, as you grow up, this statement could evolve, but its soul will remain the same. Now, write down your Mission Statement.
Aligning Your LIFE With Your Underlying Principle
The final step in this journey is to map your path to your ultimate purpose and to begin implementing changes that help to align your daily life with your underlying purpose. By making these little changes in your lifestyle, you will start to be able to begin living this principle out each and every day. It might take a few days, but by becoming aware and intentional of this underlying principle of your life, you will certainly start to feel the difference in your enthusiasm for life as a whole. If you realize that you love being amidst nature, plan out your holiday. Maybe an outing with your children could be enough to recoup with your energy. If you discover that you enjoy helping those in need, start to look for opportunities to volunteer in your community. On the other hand, you might even want to change your job, or start a new business that is more in line with your mission.
So there you have it! By following along with the steps outlined above, you will be on your way to finding and living out your purpose. And, as you go through this process, just remember:-
“You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously.” - Steve Maraboli
Ray Seagrave - The Mindset Coach 2021